All gone. Why? Fascism. Nothing good ever comes from fascism. All it does, is destroy diversity and courage.
There is no honour in being selfish.
Things I've experienced about Autistic unmasking:
1. Masking is mentally costly and a false "me". Use only when necessary.
2. Not everybody thinks like me.
3. Expect nothing and I won't be disappointed.
4. Always be kind.
5. I am autistic first, deaf second.
6. I naturally question authority.
7. Everyone deserves respect until they don't - stop being a doormat.
To protect my mental health, I prefer to redefine my existence by being mindful of senseless consumerism; at the same time, my economic output should not determine my value as a human being.
Fuck Capitalism, sideways.
In light of Autism, during my years of speech therapy, I think that is where I learned to "mimic" things in order to speak. I had a moment in the 90s to improve my diction by singing Karaoke. Nothing like live on the floor feedback.
Back to the speech therapy. I would mimic the lady who was trying to help me, but I seem to recall mocking them, making it a game once in a while.
Them: "Now repeat after me."
Me: "After me."
This is probably where I started doing impressions - recording TV shows and playing them back, trying to copy the sounds I heard. It was an annoying skill at best, at least according to my parents.
Anyway, I've started researching mental health, it is looking very likely I have some ADHD as well. I had difficulty concentrating on one task for long stretches when I was younger, but I was probably bored.
"Autism is a mental state which appears from early childhood, characterized by a massive difficulty in communicating, interacting, and forming relationships with other people. Children with Autism do not generally have decreased cognitive functioning."
"These individuals may navigate social communication challenges, exhibit restricted interests and routines, and experience sensory processing differences. Nonverbal communication difficulties and executive function struggles can also be part of their daily lives. Moreover, emotional regulation issues, literal language interpretation, social anxiety, and isolation often play significant roles."
Reflecting on my past through the lens of autism, I believe I now have a better understanding of how people perceive me, why I'm alone all the time, & why it feels that way.
I find the quotes above helpful, in forming a positive mindset about myself, rather than a negative one. It is a liberating journey, albeit a humbling one.
I've asked my partner to sign more often, and I'm happy to report that I am remembering to do so as well.
Use it or lose it, folks.
