Willing To Learn?

This morning while I was unable to sleep my brain offered up this little factoid:

Nobody in my life has been willing to learn sign language to communicate with me.

Roscko

"Mrow? Purr. Mrrrrp."

If I don't have the hearing aids on, I have no idea Roscko's making all these little noises.

I guess I'm saying, I'm glad he's not holding it against me that I'm deaf.

Self-Diagnosis

I'm not sure if "imposter syndrome" is the correct term to describe what I'm feeling most of the time. 

I've never felt like I was part of the Deaf community, not really. Growing up mainstreamed meant that I spent my time among the other kids in public education, for the most part. I've learned enough sign language to manage communicating, but I don't get to sign often enough. 

I had an unscheduled mental break in 2022 & was forced to reconcile my identity, abilities, and sense of self-worth. 

I do not have access to a psychiatrist because they are in short supply in Ontario. I am eternally grateful to my partner for listening to me deconstruct my entire life in an effort to put it back together. I suppose this is why I now consider myself to be autistic first, deaf second.

LibreOffice

 

 

Folks, if you're looking for a free Office suite, use LibreOffice. It is still being maintained

and updated regularly, unlike OpenOffice from Apache. You can download LibreOffice here. 

Requiem

I pour one out for what Twitter USED to be: a USEFUL, "public utility". Almost instantaneous updates from around the world. Journalists, Pundits, Scholars, Scientists, and yes even goddamn Celebrities contributed. And for a brief moment, it was COOL and GOOD.

All gone. Why? Fascism. Nothing good ever comes from fascism. All it does, is destroy diversity and courage.

There is no honour in being selfish.

My Experience

Things I've experienced about Autistic unmasking:

1. Masking is mentally costly and a false "me". Use only when necessary.
2. Not everybody thinks like me.
3. Expect nothing and I won't be disappointed.
4. Always be kind.
5. I am autistic first, deaf second.
6. I naturally question authority.
7. Everyone deserves respect until they don't - stop being a doormat.

Consumerism

 

To protect my mental health, I prefer to redefine my existence by being mindful of senseless consumerism; at the same time, my economic output should not determine my value as a human being.

Fuck Capitalism, sideways.

Mimic

 

In light of Autism, during my years of speech therapy, I think that is where I learned to "mimic" things in order to speak. I had a moment in the 90s to improve my diction by singing Karaoke. Nothing like live on the floor feedback.

Back to the speech therapy. I would mimic the lady who was trying to help me, but I seem to recall mocking them, making it a game once in a while.

Them: "Now repeat after me."

Me: "After me."

This is probably where I started doing impressions - recording TV shows and playing them back, trying to copy the sounds I heard. It was an annoying skill at best, at least according to my parents.

Anyway, I've started researching mental health, it is looking very likely I have some ADHD as well. I had difficulty concentrating on one task for long stretches when I was younger, but I was probably bored.

Isolation

"Autism is a mental state which appears from early childhood, characterized by a massive difficulty in communicating, interacting, and forming relationships with other people. Children with Autism do not generally have decreased cognitive functioning."

"These individuals may navigate social communication challenges, exhibit restricted interests and routines, and experience sensory processing differences. Nonverbal communication difficulties and executive function struggles can also be part of their daily lives. Moreover, emotional regulation issues, literal language interpretation, social anxiety, and isolation often play significant roles."

Reflecting on my past through the lens of autism, I believe I now have a better understanding of how people perceive me, why I'm alone all the time, & why it feels that way.

I find the quotes above helpful, in forming a positive mindset about myself, rather than a negative one. It is a liberating journey, albeit a humbling one.

Source 1): Fluent AAC 

Source 2): Perplexity AI

Alexa

Me: "Echo, turn out the lights."

Echo: *mumbles something*

Me: "Great, I'm not wearing my hearing aids. ECHO. TURN OUT THE LIGHTS"

Echo: *mumble*

Me: (walks to bedroom and has partner turn off the lights remotely using app). "Alexa's being difficult."

They: "Oh, here's why it says it's offline."

Me: 😑

Sign More Often

I've asked my partner to sign more often, and I'm happy to report that I am remembering to do so as well.

Use it or lose it, folks.

Us And Them

Organized religions are one of the oldest forms of corralling & organizing humans unto "us and them" camps; the believers and the heathens. That was the first step towards lack of empathy. By separating us, via whatever microcosm you choose, you weaken us. Gotta keep 'em separated, or they might love each other.

We never learn natural empathy because we are conditioned that we're better than they are.

Communication

 

"You speak very well for a deaf person."

Thanks. I worked very hard at it, I still do. If you really wanted to pay me a compliment, you could instead commend me on the fact that I'm the one carrying the burden of the conversation. I am capable of speaking and I have some residual hearing. I speak because I don't have a choice most of the time, as the majority of the population couldn't be bothered to learn sign language.

Yet another device has been trialled; this time a ring that can decode finger spelling into English through a smartphone app (I'm guessing). This is again technology stepping in. Let me rewind a little bit.

I learned sign in my early 20s, growing up I was mainstreamed in a public school. I did not have any deaf peers near me really, so I was pretty much always isolated most of the time. Fast-forward to today, I'm now in my 50s and no amount of finger spelling cards or YouTube videos produced by sorority sisters has moved the needle. We've had representation on TV for decades, most recently Switched At Birth, which I thought was a commendable YA series.

Perhaps this new ring idea might help, it might not because I see 2 points of failure: The ring itself malfunctioning, and the other person not having a compatible phone to download the app, or horrors, even willing to do so.

We could just learn sign language and avoid all of this nonsense, but the hearing people won't do it, so we're back where we started.

Reality TV

I never got into "reality" television. I was turned off by the way these shows would celebrate the rudest people they could find. Then people would have water cooler discussions about the show and laugh about how terribly they treated each other.

I think this is also when Americans lost whatever remaining empathy they had.

Bullies

Good morning Canucks. Good morning, resistance. While I do feel a surge of national pride, when I view our response to Trump's threats, I am also trying to temper it by not accepting every single jingoistic op ed piece at face value. Sure, pride is good but don't lose sight of the real issue here.

Trump is a bully. And like every single bully  I've ever faced, when you finally get them alone and stare them down...

...they back down.

Stand your ground, Canada.

Révolution

The fascist elements on display in the USA are emboldening others to act out because they saw it on TV; they feel secure doing those things in our locales without fear of reproach. I have already seen spray-painted swastika tags during my walks & hikes outdoors. During the Ottawa occupation they were brazen enough to flag the supremacist rag back then.

To my American friends, don't despair: the French also had some great ideas. Vive la Révolution.

Dear USA

North America - almost 300 years of a shared land, resources, and people. Mingling around and passing through the world's longest undefended border, with no worries of armed guards with rifles pointed at you. Science, the Arts, technology, all of it flourished via collaboration and partnerships. Canada and America were the trading envy of the world.

Then something happened - the Tea Party gained popularity and were elected as members of U.S. Congress. Disrupting procedure, throwing tantrums, and generally acting like belligerent children who weren't getting their way.

These malignant elements grew, and before long you had members acting like howler monkeys while in session. MAGA supplanted the Tea Partiers, until one fateful day the Red Caps and Meal Team Six tried besieging the Capitol building while members were inside, readying to confirm election votes.

4 years later the coup would be complete, with the GOP winning the election and systematically removing social safeguards and hard-earned rights. It is happening before our eyes, with the free press such as AP being uninvited to official functions, while unregulated social media sites are broadcasting the propaganda of the Oligarchs.

It sounds fantastical when written out like that, doesn't it? It isn't a fantasy, and there are no grown-ups coming to help you. This is the 2nd time a horrible leader was elected, despite the lousy job they did the first time, despite being tried and found a Felon, all in public view.

Americans, you must quit complaining and OWN this. It's ON YOU. The rest of the world cannot fix your mess for you. Fix your electoral system, create a social safety net, increase worker wages, mandate healthcare, support education and the arts. If the Democrats and Republicans aren’t speaking for you anymore – you need a new party.

Do this, or the world will treat you like "some shithole country". You want that? No? The ball's in your court, then.

The End

...And he never logged into Facebook again and lived happily ever after.

The End.

DOGE

♪ Ra Ra Vlad Putin, Elon is a Russian stooge

Runs an illegitimate scheme named DOGE

Ra Ra Vlad Putin, he got Donny Trump to do

His only favourite thing, cheating at golf ♫ 

UPDATE: Still Writing

(1/23/2021) I should write more. I want to - it's laziness that's winning over sometimes. The real trick to writing comes down to 2 things:

1) a topic

2) discipline.

 

Without those, it's stream of consciousness writing like Michael Stipe does; only he does better it than I do.

 

So I suppose a low key vibe like a blog is a good place to start. Sometimes longer thoughts happen & I need a place to put them that don't really fit on Twitter.  

 

UPDATE (1/24/2025) I no longer own a Twitter account, I deleted that 2 years ago or so, when Elon bought it and ruined it. Ah, the magic of being able to go back in time and update your original blog entry! It's been 4 years, & I've kept busy with posting commentary, mostly. However, I'm writing much more often now. I've shaken the rust off, as it were.

I would like to reiterate to myself that the title may be "Hard Of Hearing Problems", but it has always been about focusing on putting a positive spin on life. Whether it be assistive technology, or finding a news tidbit, or a comment in a forum somewhere that's useful. I like to focus on those aspects. I shall spruce up a few things here and there along the way as well. 

 

Cheers, and I hope you enjoy reading.

Silent Sunday

Meta

I've had a long relationship with Facebook as a user, pretty much from their start. There was a time that having a dual Facebook/Twitter login meant you were online and informed. Not so much these days. I've decided to ditch Facebook itself, but I'm hanging onto Insta for uploading photos of my cat.

Meta's recent decision to "stop fact checking" convinced me that social media companies have too much sway in public opinion - an audience that large becomes the message. They should be subject to the same rules and regulations as print media if they're going to exert that much influence. Not to mention the fact that an unstable person is about to enter was voted into the WH for a second time.

UPDATE (02/08/2025) : I have scheduled deletion of all Fascistbook products.