I've
been pondering over the fact that my early education could have been
quite different if I had been diagnosed as "on the spectrum" instead of
"gifted" or whatever other term they used in
the early 80s. I do recall bouncing between schools for a time -
should I have gone to a residential Deaf school? Would it have made a
difference? Who knows?
I can chuckle about it now, but it wasn't really a laughing matter when I hurt people's feelings, and damaged friendships because it was easier lying about things, slipping into "an act" when I was younger, rather than just being myself.
I can identify some of that behaviour now, as masking. This realization of "Why am I like this?" allows me to forgive myself for my past
transgressions; that's important when I've been berating myself about it for mistakes I made decades ago. I was socially awkward all the time, even into adulthood.
Anyway, I'm not letting what is past bother me any longer, and I'm also sure I'm no longer masking and that’s why I have anxiety now.